While no one can deny the bliss associated with having a baby, this transition can sometimes be a challenging time for a couple.
“Having a baby can redefine relationship dynamics: with all the focus on the child, partners can feel redundant with the baby seemingly displacing your previous #1 position with one another,” says Amanda Rogaly, founder and Chief Mommy of BabyYumYum.
Amanda advises the following in order to deal effectively with the tension and relationship issues once the new little person is in your lives:
- New roles
A baby brings change in your roles as a couple. As a mom, your needs are now secondary to your little one; as a dad or partner, you may experience feelings of being left out.
“Having a baby involves both parents,” says Amanda. “Mom has so many things going on as it is. She’s exhausted and juggling the impact of being responsible for a new life. While it is a period of adjustment, dad needs to be proactive. He is responsible for getting involved.
Being in the trenches together is what parenting is all about. It’s about rediscovering each other with a new-found respect for one another, appreciating what each person is doing and contributing to laying a solid foundation in the new family environment.”
- Financial pressures
Expenses relating to the new addition to your family can create tension, especially if the family income has been reduced from two earners to one.
“Talk through your concerns when it comes to finances,” says Amanda, who suggests trying to find ways to save money such as using baby clothes from a friend or family member who’s already had a baby.
Finding solutions together can help alleviate the tension. You can even consider marriage or relationship counselling at a non-profit organisation such as FAMSA if you find it difficult to resolve conflict between the two of you.
- Re-establishing intimacy
Exhaustion can definitely put a damper on one’s libido. Additionally, mom may be feeling very unsexy and self-conscious of her post-pregnancy body. There is also the possibility that she is recovering from an episiotomy or Caesarean birth.
“While mom may be feeling vulnerable and exhausted, your partner may be feeling rejected as a result of your new focus. This is a time to be particularly conscious of each other’s needs by sharing your feelings with one another and expressing your needs in a non-judgemental forum,” says Amanda.
“While it is a serious subject, there’s no reason not to bring fun into your relationship, making it an opportunity to get to know each other all over again. Start with tenderness – holding hands or snuggling is a good way to demonstrate caring.”
- Establishing family time
“While dynamics change with a new addition to the family, making time to be together with your baby can bring a new dimension of caring and tenderness to your relationship and to your family unit as a whole,” says Amanda.
“Establish a safe space, where each of you can express yourself freely as a parent and as half of the couple. While spending time together as just the two of you has its benefits, it’s important to address any problems and deal with them in the moment, giving each person the freedom to expressing themselves as a parent in a non-judging environment,” says Amanda.
- Get support
Creating an infrastructure of friends and family can help you feel supported through this time, and having someone you trust take care of your baby at times can be invaluable. If you have other kids, it frees up your time to give them some extra attention. It also gives you time to enjoy simple things such as going to the hairdresser or even shopping without pressure.”
“Approach this time with an open mind. It is important to be realistic and address issues, but it’s equally important to know that it’s a time of transition as you establish a new normal,” says Amanda.
“There may be some challenging moments, but if you are prepared to meet your partner halfway and talk things through together, this can be the start of a wonderful adventure, building your lives together as a couple and a family,” concludes the BabyYumYum founder.