Our heritage is a dynamic entity, continuously evolving, learning from the past as we create new legacies for our future generations. And nowhere is it more important than nurturing and empowering our youth, the heirs to our heritage, our values and the future of our country. While embracing our achievements as a nation, it is equally important to foster values of acceptance and empathy as solutions to threatening issues such as bullying, which has negative consequences for both bullies and their targets.
“Heritage month provides an opportunity to create awareness of respect and tolerance around diversity and differences – be it cultures, people with disabilities or someone who is different to us in terms of appearance and weight; socio economic status; ability or disability; gender, sex and sexuality; culture, race and religion or personality characteristics such as being shy and more passive (i.e. someone who won’t fight back),” says Anti-bullying Coach and NLP-specialist, Alicia Thomas-Woolf, author of the anti-bullying book, Powerful.
According to the Scientific World Journal(1), school bullying has detrimental effects on the targeted person, the bullies themselves and those who are bystanders. Bullying affects academic, social, emotional, mental, and psychological functioning as well as physical health which may persist into adulthood.
The research shows that extrovert students who have unstable emotions, low academic performance, poor relationships with their family members, teachers, and peers, are more inclined to victimize others. Introvert students are more likely to become victims, although these roles can turnabout through one lifetime.
Growing up in an aggressive background, being in contact with deviant peers, and being exposed to violent messages through the media, make children more likely to engage in violence, either as bullies or as victims. Targeted children often develop intense anger and anxiety, and suffer low self-esteem or depression. Some may misdirect their anger and in turn become bullies.
“The way we as adults, parents, governmental bodies and schools respond to bullying is essential. Bullying must be immediately addressed with preventative strategies to stop bullying before it begins,” says Thomas-Woolf.
So how do we empower our kids to decrease the need to bully and protect themselves against bullying? Thomas-Woolf offers the following advice:
Parents
- Be the example: in the home, model peaceful conflict resolution by respectfully discussing and resolving differences and disagreements you may have with others.
- Body language: teach your child to use assertive body language by standing tall, head high which creates a confident image.
- Role playing: this is an effective way to introduce social skills. It helps them gauge and respond appropriately, helping them understand (for example) how to join in a game or interact with other kids so that they fit in and reduce the likelihood of bullying. In this particular example, hanging back and observing before joining in is good strategy. Empathy games are also a good idea. Although the impact of the empathy games will only be realised at around 5 to 6 years of age, when they actually develop empathy, role playing empathy games will set the structure for appropriate behavior later in their young lives.
- Work together: with the school, social worker, teachers and principal by documenting (dates, happenings and people involved) and communicating bullying incidents. If your many efforts lead to nothing, take the evidence and lay a charge against the school / bullies with the police.
- Communication: teach your child to speak to an adult they trust about their negative experiences. Thank them when they do tell you something that hurt them, and support them as best as you can in a calm and loving manner. Ensure that your child knows the difference between teasing and bullying (the former is transient and general, the latter is targeted, ongoing persecution).
- Give them tools and strategies that help them deal with their internal emotional landscape, so that the child has some control over what they are feeling. A therapist may help you with this, as will the Powerful story, song and action system, adapted to different ages.
Schools
- Formal policy: schools have more power available than they know, and anti-bullying strategies can be built into the structure of the school. Create an ethos of kindness and respect by sticking firmly to a formal, pro-active, anti-bullying policy which emphasizes kindness and respect between teachers and staff, as well as kindness and respect between teachers and students. The bucket filler program is one strategy that can support this. The anti-bullying policy includes: zero tolerance for bullying (for example, bullies go straight into counselling, and so, separately, does the victim); teaches empathy; provides opportunities for children to notify persons in authority of problems; and bans cell phones during school and strongly discourages (or monitors closely) students using on-line chat groups. Bring your policy into the everyday life of the staffroom and classroom. Your commitment to your policy must be palpable every day – and adaptable, if need be.
- Parent support groups: invite guest lecturers, and hold informative evenings teaching parents how to empower their kids to deal with bullying, both as a target and bystander, and how to encourage empathy, tolerance and respect.
- Empathy games: how to see the experience from the target person’s perspective.
- Teach children: about confidence building behavior, what to do about bullying in terms of the school policy. Also create programmes which acknowledge and foster tolerant and respectful behaviour.
- Intervene as soon as you are aware of a bullying situation, using positive discipline such as consequences in which kindness and thoughtfulness gains privileges, nastiness removes them.
- Show your power: for many bullies, their problems start at home in negative surroundings. Be the example of a positive environment, so that when the students leave school, they are able to choose a better way to live–because you’ve shown them how.
While this is not an exhaustive list of solutions, they can be used as an effective starting point to proactively address bullying issues.
“Bullying makes school an unfriendly and fearful place,” says Thomas-Woolf. “We can start to change this by creating awareness through school policies, encouraging values which change the trajectory of bullies and their targets, building a heritage and culture of tolerance and respect.”
- Ends –
About Powerful
Powerful is an anti-bullying, confidence-exploding, NLP-enriched story, song and action book. Children as young as three and older learn how to deal with bad, scared, sad or mad feelings… and feel powerful as human beings in everyday life. Parents can raise powerful children by implementing it in the home, and teachers can create powerful classrooms and schools.
Released by:
Talking Point Communications
Deena Hesp
011 883 1802 | 082 521 0701
On behalf of:
Powerful
Alicia Thomas-Woolf
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